“Christianity is not about rules, it’s all about a relationship.” Really?

By David Servant

Facebook is full of posts containing “Christian” clichés, often presented as if they are profound truths.

Whenever we read one, however, we should first look for a Scripture reference that is offered for its support. I’ve noticed that many of them include no supporting Scripture reference. That should serve as the first warning. Biblical truth should be based on the Bible.

Second, we should ask ourselves if there is anything in Scripture that would contradict the idea being presented in the cliché. In my observations, there often is.

For example, you’ve probably heard the “Christian” cliché, “Christianity is not about rules, it’s all about a relationship.” That certainly appeals to professing Christians who don’t want to be burdened with following rules. It might be a good thing to say to an unregenerate religious legalist whose life is characterized by religious tradition. But it is a terrible thing to say to just about anyone else, because it pits rules against having a relationship with God—who gives people rules to live by. It is a Christian cliché that could be, and often is, horribly misleading.

Some will be quick to say, “But that cliché is true! We are God’s children, and He is our Father. So you see, it is not about rules; it’s all about a relationship.”

That claim, however, is based upon an absurd premise that children’s relationships with their fathers have nothing to do with rules. How many parents do you know who have relationships with their children but no rules?

Moreover, God the Father declared His Son Jesus to be supreme Lord, giving Him “all authority in heaven and on earth” (Matt. 28:18). He also gave Jesus the “name which is above every name” (Phil. 2:9). That same Jesus gave many commandments to His followers which He expects them to obey. His Sermon on the Mount, for example, contains scores of commandments. Commandments are another name for rules.

The very word “commandment” (or “commandments”) is found over 65 times in the New Testament. Jesus told His disciples to make disciples, teaching them to observe all that He commanded them (see Matt. 28:18-20, emphasis added). Paul wrote that what matters is “keeping the commandments of God” (1 Cor. 7:19, emphasis added).

John declared, “By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments” (1 John 2:3, emphasis added). It sounds as if John believed that only those who keep Jesus’ commandments have a relationship with Him. Only they actually know Him.

And that should not surprise us, as Jesus made it plain that we don’t love Him if we don’t keep His commandments (John 14:21). He said that it is only those who “do the will of My Father who is heaven” who have a relationship with him as a brother or sister (Matt. 12:50). In fact, Jesus doesn’t consider anyone to even have a relationship with Him as a friend unless they are keeping His commandments. He said, “You are My friends if you do what I command” (John 15:14, emphasis added). We could paraphrase those words: “You are My friends if you keep My rules.” Yet we are supposed to believe that “Christianity is not about rules; it’s all about a relationship”?

Not only does the Christian cliché contradict the entire New Testament, it also contradicts simple logic and basic knowledge, because all relationships are based on rules, at least to some degree. If you don’t believe me, try saying to your spouse, “I’m sure you won’t mind if I have sex with someone else, because we have a marriage relationship, and relationships aren’t based on rules.”

Or try saying to your boss or business partner, “I’m so glad we have a business relationship, so there are no rules that I need to be concerned about.”

Or try, as a child, saying to your parents, “It is so good to have a child-parent relationship with you that relieves us of the need for any rules.”

A “rule-less relationship” is actually an oxymoron. If there are no rules/expectations/behavioral agreement between two parties, there is no relationship. Relationships always include rules.

For all those reasons and more, we can lay to rest the “Christian” cliché that “Christianity is not about rules, it’s about a relationship.” It really isn’t a Christian cliché at all. It’s a deceptive, devilish cliché, and one that ought to be buried for good.

Christianity is about a relationship with Almighty God through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, that like all relationships, involves rules. In this case, the rules are commandments, uttered by God!